Ramblings of a Binging Anorexic

So I'm 109 Ibs now... I was 113... I want to be 107 by the end of the weekend but I don't think I'll be able to. I got a red bracelet to remind myself not to eat. One of those god forsaken 'ana bracelets' but I just look at it and think of the baby I'll never have. 

Work is shit... and I'm trying to draw and make something on a canvas but I'm shit at traditional art.

I feel useless... and fat. I'm just feeding into my problems. I bought jeans that don't really fit me. I mean I fit into them.. size 3. But I want them to be loose... right now they just fit... their not baggy.